In 2009, as all couples do when they get to the point in their relationship where things are getting serious and you start discussing marriage, my then boyfriend, now husband and I had begun "the conversation." We talked about the fact that I have a fairly big family and he has a fairly small family. I went into this rather lengthy point of how we would need a to reserve a church, a reception hall and maybe honeymoon in Hawaii. We were at work passing emails back and forth and he sent me a message saying come over to his place after work because he wanted to show me something. I agreed and when I arrived he had a site pulled up on the computer and he asked me a serious question.....no, not that question. In fact he didn't actually "pop the question" until we had already been making plans for our wedding. What he actually asked me was, "Is the marriage about me and you?" I wondered to myself, "Oh dear. Where is this going?" However, what I said out loud was, "Of course. Why do you ask?" He simply replied,"Then shouldn't the wedding be about me and you as well?" He moved from in front of the computer and showed me the site for Sandals.com. It was an all-inclusive and couples only resort site. I sat down and pored over pictures of white sandy beaches that looked like spun sugar, tropical flowers, smartly dressed butlers and other staff members taking care of bikini clad guests and hotel rooms and suites that were decorated to perfection. I read the information about how everything from gourmet food to wine and champagne and cocktails and even snacks were included in the cost of our room. I then proceeded to click on the section that discussed in detail how we could have our WeddingMoon; wedding and honeymoon at the same time. I viewed pictures of weddings on the beach, in a tropical gazebo or in a beautifully appointed garden. I turned around grinning so hard my cheeks hurt and said, " You had me at hello!"
We contacted the wedding coordinator at Sandals and began the process of arranging our wedding. We emailed her back and forth a few and spoke with her on the phone once or twice. They were taking care of everything.I was the most relaxed bride I knew planning a wedding for 2010. We mailed copies of our birth certificates and divorce decrees from our previous marriages. We were sent menu options for the reception and price lists for any additional options we wanted to add. We registered our honeymoon so that anyone who wanted to give us a gift could simply pay towards our stay or gift to us spa treatments or excursions. Our wedding was free because we had opted to have a Butler category room for 7 days and 6 nights. This meant we would have a professional butler assigned to us day and night for our every need. As a mother of 4 children, I can honestly say I was looking forward to someone catering to me for a change.
We invited all of our family and friends, but in the end only 7 other guests joined us. The best man and his wife stayed on property with us. My cousin who was my maid of honor, my best friend that went on the cruise with me in a previous post and our other good girlfriend stayed at the Wyndham resort and our two other friends that are not a couple but are of the opposite sex stayed at the Breezes resort. All three resorts are on the same street and just a short bus ride or walk from each other.
My husband, the best man, his wife and I all flew on the same plane. We were instructed at the airport to go to the Sandals kiosk to get our transfers to the resort. The best man and his wife were put on an air-conditioned bus and my husband and I were picked up by a chauffeured Mercedes Benz. We arrived at a beautiful property and were checked in and then escorted to our suite by our butler, Vincent. He became a highlight of our trip. Our suite was gorgeous and had a fully stocked mini bar with drinks that we had requested in our emails, a coffee maker and a fully stocked refrigerator with drink mixes, bottled water and juices. Our bathroom was spotless. We quickly showered and changed and decided to check out the property. Immediately we were taken to a Butler guests only cocktail party on a pier over looking the ocean. Okay, I looked at my husband and he looked at me and we communicated with our eyes that we had made the right choice. We were in heaven and we didn't even have to kill each other to get there.
For the next few days we dined at restaurants at the resort that served delicious meals and mostly decadent desserts. We had cocktails and ate the most amazing brick oven pizza while lounging by the beach. We came into our room each night to find small goodies such as plates of chocolate covered strawberries, cookies, cheese and crackers with fruit and good night notes left by our butlers. We met up with the best man and his wife in a secluded hot tub in the back of the property on a few occasions. We were on a champagne diet and by day 3 we had lost at least 10 bottles. I was the most relaxed I had been my whole life.
Latimore's For You. I walked down the beach and when I arrived I realized my husband had his back to me. He was instructed to turn around and then it began. The crying. It started off as small silent sniffling and then it grew into uncontrollable sobbing. We said our vows and tried not to laugh, but here we are on the beach with the brilliant blue water and white sand as our background and our drunken guest is crying to the beat the band. He is the only male guest other than the best man and he sounds like a woman that just got her heart broke. The minister asked someone to give my best friend a hug because he thought it was her.
After the ceremony we were taken all over the property by the photographer to have our pictures taken and then we met up with our guests at one of the restaurants where our reception was being held. We had hors d'oeuvres and champagne and cut the cake. We all went back to our suites and changed into our bathing suits and hit the beach to celebrate. We ran into the ocean together and some smoked cigars. They had bought the good stuff since Cuban cigars are legal there. Later in the evening we all changed again and had our dinner at one of the restaurants called the Crystal Room because of the giant crystal chandelier hanging from the ceiling. We dined on steaks, crab legs, salmon and many other tasty delights that were of course part of the all-inclusive resort. We drank more wine and champagne and took lots of pictures before we retired to our suite and left our guests to enjoy the rest of their night.
The next day was our official honeymoon and we had scheduled a couples massage at the spa. There was a snafu so we had to reschedule for the next day. It worked out because my husband had worn swimming trunks to the original appointment and was none too happy when told he would have to take those off. He was not excited about being naked with some strange woman rubbing on him. We had to tell him to wear underwear the next day. We were upgraded from 50 minutes to 80 minutes for the inconvenience and our massages were done on a private island owned by Sandals in an outdoor private massage hut overlooking the ocean. It was complete bliss. Afterwords we were given chocolate-covered strawberries and a bottle of champagne. We stayed on the private island for a while and ordered lunch from the restaurant there. We had fish wraps and burgers and of course more cocktails. We rode the bus downtown to the famous Straw Market and bought souvenirs to take home. The next day we got ready to head home. We had the beautiful wedding we wanted and the vacation of a lifetime. I'm still considering whether or not to sue the resort for turning me into an alcoholic. I'll reconsider if they give me a free vacation at another resort and make sure I have another stocked mini bar.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Branson, MO : The Vegas of the Midwest
In August of 2009, my then fiance, now husband and I went to Branson, MO for a weekend getaway. We rented a car and drove 2 1/2-3 hours from Kansas City. The rental car had satellite radio so we flipped through all kinds of cool stations on the drive. We had purchased our package through a timeshare offer we found online for about $100. It consisted of 3 days/2 nights at a hotel, 2 tickets to a show and a free dinner. We were also given a free coupon book upon arrival. Our accommodations were 3 star at best. It was clean and comfortable, but definitely no frills. Let's put it this way - it wasn't the Bates Motel, but it was miles away from the Ritz.
After checking into our humble home for the weekend we flipped through the coupon book that was full of coupons for entertainment and eateries in town. We found several coupons for mini golf so we chose the one closest to us. We played a round of mini golf and he beat me because...well... I totally sucked. I have a good golf swing, but it is just unnatural to have windmills, fake mole hills and have to get a shot through a tunnel made of ugly, green carpet. OK, so I'm a sore loser. So what?! We left there and drove up and down the "strip" taking in the sights before deciding where we would have dinner. There were as many theaters for country musicals and shows with variety acts up and down the "strip" as there are casinos in Las Vegas. We finally decided on a place called The Plantation. They had a lot of comfort food and the lemonade was to die for (or killed for, depends on your mood.) After stuffing ourselves silly we went back to our room to watch TV before turning in.
The next day we headed to breakfast at another buffet called BaldKnobbers. It felt very homey and country kitchenesque. Someone came by and took our picture and put it in a movie reel frame for $10. It was cute. We do look pretty hot at 8 in the morning with our faces stuffed full of biscuits and gravy. We left there to meet with the timeshare folks. It was a hard sell, but in the end we declined. I mean really, I only came for the weekend getaway. I did not come to be separated from several grands of hard earned money. After leaving with all of our money, we decided to stop by the Table Rock Lake Dam. It is a massive structure. I am terrified of heights and was having a small heart attack while driving over it. We parked and got out to get a look from a closer vantage point and a stroke might have crept in there, too. Afterwards, we went back to our room to clean up and get ready for dinner and the show. We had chosen the Chinese Acrobats at the Shanghai Theater and cashed in our free dinner voucher at a buffet called Whipper Snappers. It was actually downstairs from the place we had dinner the night before. It was set up so that you could eat at both places if you paid for the one downstairs. Whipper Snappers had a seafood buffet that included whole lobster ( my fiance was over the moon) and crab legs. After eating until we were practically in a food coma we left for the theater. The Chinese Acrobats were absolutely amazing. In between each acrobatic act there was an all girl team of drummers that had the place rocking. We were riveted by each performance. Some of the acrobats simply defied the laws of gravity. Some of them defied the laws of anatomy because I am sure they did not have bones.
The following morning we checked out of our digs and went to breakfast at...you guessed it...another buffet. This one was called Dockers and it was really good. We declined the picture offer and headed to the Branson Landing for some shopping. It has lots of outlet stores and some pretty cool shops with unique items. We left there and went to a small Mom and Pop store so I could get a shot glass ( I collect those) and then hit the highway for home. By the way - don't ever listen to the comedy stations on satellite radio while driving on the highway. We almost literally died of laughter. It is just unsafe to laugh that hard while traveling at 75 mph.
After checking into our humble home for the weekend we flipped through the coupon book that was full of coupons for entertainment and eateries in town. We found several coupons for mini golf so we chose the one closest to us. We played a round of mini golf and he beat me because...well... I totally sucked. I have a good golf swing, but it is just unnatural to have windmills, fake mole hills and have to get a shot through a tunnel made of ugly, green carpet. OK, so I'm a sore loser. So what?! We left there and drove up and down the "strip" taking in the sights before deciding where we would have dinner. There were as many theaters for country musicals and shows with variety acts up and down the "strip" as there are casinos in Las Vegas. We finally decided on a place called The Plantation. They had a lot of comfort food and the lemonade was to die for (or killed for, depends on your mood.) After stuffing ourselves silly we went back to our room to watch TV before turning in.
The next day we headed to breakfast at another buffet called BaldKnobbers. It felt very homey and country kitchenesque. Someone came by and took our picture and put it in a movie reel frame for $10. It was cute. We do look pretty hot at 8 in the morning with our faces stuffed full of biscuits and gravy. We left there to meet with the timeshare folks. It was a hard sell, but in the end we declined. I mean really, I only came for the weekend getaway. I did not come to be separated from several grands of hard earned money. After leaving with all of our money, we decided to stop by the Table Rock Lake Dam. It is a massive structure. I am terrified of heights and was having a small heart attack while driving over it. We parked and got out to get a look from a closer vantage point and a stroke might have crept in there, too. Afterwards, we went back to our room to clean up and get ready for dinner and the show. We had chosen the Chinese Acrobats at the Shanghai Theater and cashed in our free dinner voucher at a buffet called Whipper Snappers. It was actually downstairs from the place we had dinner the night before. It was set up so that you could eat at both places if you paid for the one downstairs. Whipper Snappers had a seafood buffet that included whole lobster ( my fiance was over the moon) and crab legs. After eating until we were practically in a food coma we left for the theater. The Chinese Acrobats were absolutely amazing. In between each acrobatic act there was an all girl team of drummers that had the place rocking. We were riveted by each performance. Some of the acrobats simply defied the laws of gravity. Some of them defied the laws of anatomy because I am sure they did not have bones.
The following morning we checked out of our digs and went to breakfast at...you guessed it...another buffet. This one was called Dockers and it was really good. We declined the picture offer and headed to the Branson Landing for some shopping. It has lots of outlet stores and some pretty cool shops with unique items. We left there and went to a small Mom and Pop store so I could get a shot glass ( I collect those) and then hit the highway for home. By the way - don't ever listen to the comedy stations on satellite radio while driving on the highway. We almost literally died of laughter. It is just unsafe to laugh that hard while traveling at 75 mph.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Cruising
In March of 2009, my best friend and I took our first cruise. We went to Key West, Fl and Cozumel, Mexico. This was both of our first time traveling out of the country. I am a serious packer and I had my zebra printed luggage all set. My carry-on was filled with travel sized bathroom necessities and a full change of clothes in case my checked bag somehow didn't make on the ship with me.
We got to the Kansas City International airport at about 7AM and when we got to our terminal the TSA officer at the gate confiscated my face cream. It was a 6 oz jar but it was half empty so I figured that counted as the 3 oz travel size. Not so much. So sans my much need moisturizer, we boarded our plane headed for Fort Lauderdale's airport. We had a layover in Atlanta. We sang John Legend's "Green Light" and danced in our seats for about 30 minutes. I don't think the other passengers appreciated that.
After getting our checked bags (thank God) from the luggage carousel we were met by the Carnival cruise rep to take us to our transfer shuttle. My best friend casually asked, "Are you taking us to the boat?" With a thick, unknown accent and a sneer the rep replied, "It is not a boat! It is a SHIP!" I slowly took two steps away from her and mouthed, "I"m not with her", before I remembered she had the transfer vouchers. I thought he was going to take off his white glove and slap her with it signaling a challenge to a duel. We climbed aboard the crowded shuttle and were whisked fairly quickly through the streets of Fort Lauderdale to the port. I was astonished at the size of the ship. I'd never seen one up close. As we were going through the entry point we spotted our luggage being loaded onto the ship by the handlers. It's pretty easy to spot zebra and giraffe print luggage even from four stories up.
After taking care of the financial business we headed to our cabin and found it to be quite small. We'd paid for the basic room but my best friend is a plus-sized lady and she had to put one foot in the shower to sit on the toilet. The sleeping area was fine and it was spotless so we managed. We wandered around the ship and stumbled upon the spa. Okay, we're on vacation...let's do it! We got a couple's massage and it was fantastic. We sat at the bar having a drink afterwards and then found a bite to eat. We walked all over until we had found the dining room, swimming pool with slides, theater where the shows are performed, clubs, casino and Patisserie. For those of you that don't know - a Patisserie is a fancy-schmancy french word for bakery. I gained five pounds after making that discovery. We later headed for dinner and were sat with a lesbian couple, two best friends from New York that reminded me of cast members from "Jersey Shore" and a granddaughter/grandmother combo. We all got along great, ate like we were never going to do that again, worked our waiter to the bone and tipped him generously.
The next day we docked at the port in Key West. We rode the tram into town and walked all over Duvall Street after I stopped at the local pharmacy for moisturizer. We tried on bathing suits, bought souvenirs, shot glasses and proceeded to spend two hours in the Coach outlet store. We literally had to run down Duvall to catch the last tram back to the ship. Everyone was singing and laughing on the way back. Did I mention we were docked at a US military ship yard? Upon arriving back at the entrance gate we were met by naval officers armed with M-16s checking everyone for their ID and ship cards. That was the ultimate mute button on the singing.
The next day I was feeling fine and fancy when we docked in Cozumel, Mexico. We wore our bathing suits under a sundress and a sarong. We bought liquor and cigars at the duty-free shops and caught a taxi into town. We walked all over sampling tequila, haggling down prices and had lunch at rooftop restaurant. Our shrimp dishes were so fresh I wanted to take some back home with me. Several shots of tequila, 4 frozen drinks and too many limes to count later we staggered back to the taxi stand and went to the beach. We stayed until dusk and then took another taxi back to the port area where two college-aged girls were working a pole-like palm tree for tips inside an open air Ruby Tuesday restaurant. The funniest thing we saw was a group of rickshaws hauling people to drunk to walk back across the 100 foot long pier to the ship.
The last day was a full day on board the ship. We ate breakfast near the rails and looked out at the vast ocean. We browsed the shops and hung out int he hot tubs on the lido deck. After much debate I taught my best friend how to play Blackjack in the casino and she came out $5 richer. We took in a great show at the theater and signed up for some drunken karaoke.
The next morning arrived at the port in Miami, FL and took our shuttle to the airport. Our flight wasn't for another 3 hours so we tied our shoelaces to our luggage and slept for about 1 1/2 hours. We woke up, grabbed a bite and headed for our plane home.
We got to the Kansas City International airport at about 7AM and when we got to our terminal the TSA officer at the gate confiscated my face cream. It was a 6 oz jar but it was half empty so I figured that counted as the 3 oz travel size. Not so much. So sans my much need moisturizer, we boarded our plane headed for Fort Lauderdale's airport. We had a layover in Atlanta. We sang John Legend's "Green Light" and danced in our seats for about 30 minutes. I don't think the other passengers appreciated that.
After getting our checked bags (thank God) from the luggage carousel we were met by the Carnival cruise rep to take us to our transfer shuttle. My best friend casually asked, "Are you taking us to the boat?" With a thick, unknown accent and a sneer the rep replied, "It is not a boat! It is a SHIP!" I slowly took two steps away from her and mouthed, "I"m not with her", before I remembered she had the transfer vouchers. I thought he was going to take off his white glove and slap her with it signaling a challenge to a duel. We climbed aboard the crowded shuttle and were whisked fairly quickly through the streets of Fort Lauderdale to the port. I was astonished at the size of the ship. I'd never seen one up close. As we were going through the entry point we spotted our luggage being loaded onto the ship by the handlers. It's pretty easy to spot zebra and giraffe print luggage even from four stories up.
After taking care of the financial business we headed to our cabin and found it to be quite small. We'd paid for the basic room but my best friend is a plus-sized lady and she had to put one foot in the shower to sit on the toilet. The sleeping area was fine and it was spotless so we managed. We wandered around the ship and stumbled upon the spa. Okay, we're on vacation...let's do it! We got a couple's massage and it was fantastic. We sat at the bar having a drink afterwards and then found a bite to eat. We walked all over until we had found the dining room, swimming pool with slides, theater where the shows are performed, clubs, casino and Patisserie. For those of you that don't know - a Patisserie is a fancy-schmancy french word for bakery. I gained five pounds after making that discovery. We later headed for dinner and were sat with a lesbian couple, two best friends from New York that reminded me of cast members from "Jersey Shore" and a granddaughter/grandmother combo. We all got along great, ate like we were never going to do that again, worked our waiter to the bone and tipped him generously.
The next day we docked at the port in Key West. We rode the tram into town and walked all over Duvall Street after I stopped at the local pharmacy for moisturizer. We tried on bathing suits, bought souvenirs, shot glasses and proceeded to spend two hours in the Coach outlet store. We literally had to run down Duvall to catch the last tram back to the ship. Everyone was singing and laughing on the way back. Did I mention we were docked at a US military ship yard? Upon arriving back at the entrance gate we were met by naval officers armed with M-16s checking everyone for their ID and ship cards. That was the ultimate mute button on the singing.
The next day I was feeling fine and fancy when we docked in Cozumel, Mexico. We wore our bathing suits under a sundress and a sarong. We bought liquor and cigars at the duty-free shops and caught a taxi into town. We walked all over sampling tequila, haggling down prices and had lunch at rooftop restaurant. Our shrimp dishes were so fresh I wanted to take some back home with me. Several shots of tequila, 4 frozen drinks and too many limes to count later we staggered back to the taxi stand and went to the beach. We stayed until dusk and then took another taxi back to the port area where two college-aged girls were working a pole-like palm tree for tips inside an open air Ruby Tuesday restaurant. The funniest thing we saw was a group of rickshaws hauling people to drunk to walk back across the 100 foot long pier to the ship.
The last day was a full day on board the ship. We ate breakfast near the rails and looked out at the vast ocean. We browsed the shops and hung out int he hot tubs on the lido deck. After much debate I taught my best friend how to play Blackjack in the casino and she came out $5 richer. We took in a great show at the theater and signed up for some drunken karaoke.
The next morning arrived at the port in Miami, FL and took our shuttle to the airport. Our flight wasn't for another 3 hours so we tied our shoelaces to our luggage and slept for about 1 1/2 hours. We woke up, grabbed a bite and headed for our plane home.
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